Release Me

RELEASEMeSo, we did it!  We survived our first year of homeschool.  And have even decided to go round 2 next year.

I gotta tell you, this year has been interesting.  I have grown so much, pushed so hard, torn through walls I have built and probably built some new ones.  I have learned.  I have laughed.  I have cried, tears of sadness, of joy, of frustration, of being so damn happy to be part of this life, and so damn sad I feel like I can’t breathe.

Frozen came out the year I got divorced.  I heard “Let It Go” more times than I could possibly count, but instead of annoying me, it kind of became my mantra.  I had to let go.  of my marriage, of the life I thought I was supposed to have, of the disappointment that was very close to overwhelming me.  I had to learn to let it goooooo….

It was a process, but I got better.

I think as women, that may just be our nature.  As the story goes, it was Eve who ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  Eve who was tempted by answers.  And answers, at least for me, are hard not to seek.

Letting go became a very active process for me.  I would meditate, talk to my angels, journal.  Whatever I did always required that I do something.  Which was a great starting point, but still, it never came easily.

Alas, I find myself at a crossroads.  Time to move forward but how and where and when and why.  Instead of letting go, I am praying for release.

Release is calm, it’s not active, it is simply the act of not pushing myself in any particular direction, allowing myself to flow out, my golden energy to pass out of my spine and into the world.

For years, I have been attempting to propel myself forward, towards this goal or that one, yet I never seem to get anywhere.  I am treading water when I think I am swimming.

So now I call for release.  Release my life into the hands of the universe.  Call on my angels to hold me close and make sure I stay afloat in the right current.  And on God, to fill me with His love and let it pour out easily and without obstruction.

I am praying for direction, and letting myself be carried along.

Release me.

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